How to make real friends at work

Only 15% of people have a ‘best friend’ at work and seven in ten don’t consider their co-workers to be ‘real’ friends, according to a recent study by Olivet Nazarene University.

Less than half of the 3000 surveyed by the American university said they felt comfortable talking to their colleagues about personal issues.

Yet, considering many of us spend at least half our lives at work, surely cultivating genuine workplace friendships must be good for our overall wellbeing and sense of self? Absolutely, says Alison King, director of Bespoke HR. “Workplace friendships can build strong teams, which in turn boost morale, help employee engagement and increase productivity,” King says. So how can you make real friends at work?

If you’re new to a job, find a ‘buddy’ or ask your employer to start a ‘buddying’ system

“Employers can encourage this from the start in the onboarding process with initiatives like ‘buddying’ pairing a new starter with an existing employee, or taking the team out for lunch,” says King.

Be friendly to everyone, not just your colleagues

It’s often said that the way someone treats waiting staff is a clear indication of what they are really like. “Say hello to people in lifts, and talk to reception, who are normally a good source of gossip. Be positive in your comments (at least to start with!) and don’t isolate yourself,” says Simon Roderick, managing director of Fram Search recruitment.

Join in and show you’re a team player

“Take an interest and actively participate in outings and team building efforts,” says Roderick. “Be flexible and open to joining in, rather than just leaving on time. It is also hugely important to give credit and thanks to others, both when it comes to their work and their efforts with the team.”

Don’t get entrenched in office politics

“Beware of getting too embroiled into office politics, as negativity has a way of coming back to you,” says Roderick. “The key to negotiating office politics is to engage with a positive mindset, contribute towards creating a better atmosphere, and don’t let other people’s negativity affect you.”

Start your own networking group if you’re self-employed

After setting up her own business, Claire Gamble, managing director of Unhooked Communications, found she felt isolated and missed her former colleagues so she started her own networking and support group, The Northern Creative Collective,  for freelancers and other small business owners. “As well as having access to a shared office, we also have regular workshops, training and mentoring. It’s been really beneficial for my business and me personally to get to know the other entrepreneurs and swap ideas, chat about what we’re working on and socialise,” she says.

Get out of the office

Sometimes, the office environment can be somewhat stifling so encouraging employees to get out of the office can help foster better friendships. “Give staff the chance to meet in an informal environment,” says King. “In our business we hold bi-monthly team meetings in a room at the local pub, and host an annual summer BBQ for our employees and their families. This gives everyone the opportunity to chat outside the office and really get to know each other – which in turn increases their commitment to the business.”

Don’t add your colleagues on social media or overshare

Susy Roberts, executive coach and founder of people development consultancy Hunter Roberts, says: “I would struggle to give an example of a situation where it’s a good idea to add colleagues on personal social media or share intimate details of your personal life.” There should be some boundaries between your personal and professional life, Roberts advises. “Adding all your colleagues on personal social media or including them in tales of your risqué weekend behaviour will simply make you seem unprofessional and damage your reputation.”

Don’t try to hard

Whilst it’s important to make an effort, show enthusiasm and join in, it’s also important to take a bit of time to assess things before trying to become everyone’s BFF. “In practical terms, our experience is that it is important to watch and listen, and pick up on the team dynamics, rather than forcing yourself into situations,” says Roderick.

Georgina Fuller is an award winning freelance journalist and editor.